Eileen Slovak

Chapter Fifty-nine: Gifting Yourself Forgiveness         

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and locales are products of the author’s imagination. They are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental. Copyright © 2024 by Eileen Slovak.

Bob

I’ve done my best to fill the space that was left behind when we lost Mary. I like to think I have a good relationship with my daughters. In times like this, I’m proud knowing I’ve accomplished something here. Wednesday afternoon, Scarlet drops by. She left work early saying she didn’t feel well. Physically she’s fine, but she needs some guidance. She doesn’t want to go to her usual confidants knowing what each of them will say. She wants perspective from someone who knows her, who has her best interest at heart. Someone with some knowledge of what she’s experiencing. She needs to talk to her dad.

      The March winds have picked up making it feel ten degrees colder. Boats in Harbor Island sit bobbing idly. Only the large tankers are moving, far off the coast. Even the seagulls are huddled on the sand, feathers pricking up in the gale. We’re at the kitchen table looking out the big bay window. She tells me the saga of her latest breakup.

      “Good day for sailing,” she says, hands me a cup of the coffee she made.

      “Too much wind is as bad as not enough. You’d freeze your tail off out there today.”

      “I guess. I wouldn’t mind sailing all the way to the Bahamas or someplace warm, anywhere but here.”

      “You know, I used to be like you, Scarlet. I know where you get it from. I’ve held onto grudges longer and harder than anybody.”

      Looking out at the ocean we see the white caps biting up.

      “This isn’t about a grudge Dad. It’s not okay to be deceptive.”

      “Scarlet if you live long enough, life teaches you that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s never really for the benefit of the person who’s done you wrong. It’s more to free yourself of the burden you’re carrying. At the very least, give this young man a chance to explain himself. After that, if you still feel that you’re better off without him in your life, then cut him loose. If not, then you have your answer. Nobody’s perfect, Scarlet, not even your old man.”

      I take a sip of the coffee. It’s hot and strong.

      “Maybe.”

      “I’ve known quite a few men in my time. Some were honorable, some weren’t. Some were heroes. Some only cared about themselves or their own careers. But none of them, even the best of the best, was without flaws. If you keep throwing back every fish you catch, you’ll starve. But if this guy does make the cut, bring him by sometime. I’d like to meet him.”

      “Have you forgiven her?”

      “I forgave her a long time ago. I’ve even made peace with loss, with God. Mary will always be the greatest love of my life. I get to keep that. What I had to let go of was the pain, to make room in my heart for someone new. I feel badly for those other women I dated over the years. It wasn’t fair to them, but I didn’t know any better. Carlene’s pretty special. She’s helping me enjoy living again.”

      “Thanks Dad.” She says, hugging me.

      “I see so much of Mary in you. You have her strength.”

      “Really, I always thought I got that from you?” She says smiling. “I love you, Dad.”

      “I love you too, kiddo.”