Good morning, all! In today’s post I’ll give you some key distraction strategies for NOT writing. I’ve been a writer and a writing avoidance expert for many years. My qualifications include but are not limited to:

• Not finishing three manuscripts
• Starting a new manuscript (because it was such a brilliant idea) just when I was putting the finishing touches on the current one (BKA cheating on your MS)
• Writing short stories that I keep locked up tightly in a computer file

Here we go!

#1) Sleep in, you deserve it! You’ve been working on this book forever, what’s one morning off?

#2) Scroll Twitter. Like a bunch of cute cat and dog photos. Answer a bunch of random questions. Delete some of your replies out of paranoia that people are spying on you.

#4) Look in the fridge. Decide there’s nothing in there that goes well with coffee. Break out the Girl Scout Cookies.

#3) Watch the news. Get angry and shake your fist at the TV. Swear to give up the news, at least until tomorrow.

#5) Clean the oven, because it’s long overdue. Notice how awful the rest of the kitchen looks compared to the newly cleaned oven. Remove all objects from the counters and clean with a bleach-based cleanser. Realize the floor hasn’t been properly washed in days. Proceed to sweep and mop.

#5) Sit down to write but you can’t stop stewing about the news. Email your congressman/woman instead.

#6) Call a friend or family member to rant about what’s happening in the world. They don’t answer but text back “is everything OK?” Remember that no one calls anymore unless it’s an emergency. Text back the thumbs up emoji so they won’t worry.

#7) Look in the fridge. Decide there’s still nothing worth eating. Make a food shopping list.

#8) Take the cat for a walk because you don’t have a dog.

#9) Research the best dog breeds for writers on the internet. Realize after fifteen minutes of searching there’s no such thing. Think about writing an article about this and jot down some notes on a sticky.

#7) Finally tackle that pile of ironing that you shoved in a closet. Spend half an hour on this task and realize you don’t know the first about ironing. Shove the pile back in the closet.

#10) Receive a form email letter from your congressman. Rant and shake your fist at your email.

#11) Scroll Twitter and like and comment on a bunch of posts about the state of the union.

#12) Realize you still haven’t had a proper meal yet. Eat a bowl of cereal.

#13) See that the cat is staring at you. Play with the cat.

#14) Listen to Spotify to inspire you to write. When ABBA comes on, start dancing around the living room until you’re sure you’ve worked off the cookies.

#15) Your MC has a dilemma you need to research. Start a Google search and get distracted by a yummy looking blueberry muffin recipe.

#16) Have an epiphany! Muffins go great with coffee!

a. You have a beautifully clean oven ready for baking.

b. You saw blueberries in the fridge earlier.

c. Proceed to make the muffins.

d. Share the recipe and pictures of the muffins on Twitter.

#18) Make more coffee to go the with the muffins.

#19) Go food shopping.

#20) After putting the food away you realize it’s already 4pm. Wonder where the day went. Start making dinner and drink wine!      

Now stop reading this and go write! Your book won’t write itself. Happy writing all!